are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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