I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
