What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
