Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
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Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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