I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
