you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Pants are for mortals
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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