$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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