so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
