I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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