Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
