I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
