so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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