All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
