Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize
