This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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