My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
