i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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