i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
