We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
