WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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