I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
