Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
