He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hippo gnu deer
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
