Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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