do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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