I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
