Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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