when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
