We're facebook friends in real life
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
