I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am naked and annoyed.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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