Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
