Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
