I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
