i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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