He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
