I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
