3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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