I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Randomize
