I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
