he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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