I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
