i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
