let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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