i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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