I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
