Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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