just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
