i barfeds in our rink
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
