Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
