i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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