brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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