my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
