it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
