***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
dude. I can hear the air.
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