Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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