Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
