i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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