I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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