was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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