I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
