i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
