we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
