shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
