i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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