I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
