so that wasnt chicken after all
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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