I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
