i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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