so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
