Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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