there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
