Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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