its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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